Dip Quips – Stupidity in Advertising

Dip Quips
Stupidity in advertising

Dip Quips are bad ideas in various forms of advertising, where the organization using the commercial, slogan or sign hadn’t thoroughly considered what their message means.

The word “Dip” is slang for an unintelligent being or sub-standard performance.
A Quip is a witty or clever statement, often involving puns or amusing similes.

Church Signs

The more progressive churches often have witty and amusing comments on their front signs like “Staying in bed shouting ‘Oh God’ does not count as going to church” and “Having trouble sleeping – we have sermons to help”.

Don’t let worries kill you. Let the church help.
Worries shouldn’t get to have all the fun, the church wants to help kill us, too.

Accidental Innuendos
Here’s some seemingly innocent church signs that can easily be considered sexual.

  • Love doesn’t rub it in. Love rubs it out.
  • Need a change? Try a missionary position.
  • Forgiveness is swallowing when you want to spit.
  • Adult movie night – Passion of the Christ.
  • A four inch tongue can bring a six foot man to his knees.
  • Easter comes once a year. How often do you?
  • Today’s sermon – the Peter in me.

Fire Safety

I was a volunteer firefighter for twenty years before retiring due to physical disabilities. In the fire service I learned a lot about fire and safety. I am internationally certified in firefighting, vehicle rescue, instructor and safety officer, plus many more credentials. I have the fullest respect for emergency services.

Flickering and blinking lights are signs of future electrical fire.
We’ll pretend that holiday decoration lights don’t blink and decorative electronic candles don’t flicker. This is like saying rain falling on your roof is the sign of a future flood.

A failed ballast in a fluorescent fixture will often cause the light to blink and there is a chance of the failed ballast overheating; resulting in a smoke or fire condition. A nearly dead fluorescent bulb will flicker and blink too, but there is virtually no risk of fire hazard with a dead bulb.

What this dipquip fails to mention is that if there is an electronic burning odor, popping or zapping noise along with the blinking and flickering, then it is probably a symptom of a hazard. By the way – disconnecting the power source to the device is usually sufficient to prevent fire until the device can be repaired or replaced.

Working smoke detectors are the “key” to fire prevention.
No. Working smoke detectors are key to fire detection. If you’ve got smoke, you have fire – whether it is smoldering or open flame. At that point you aren’t preventing fire, you are detecting it you need to react.

I have no idea why they put the word key in quotes.

Smoke detectors are only effective if occupants leave the building.
Perhaps this is intended to answer the philosophical discussion of “If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?” – If no one is present in a building, then the smoke detectors will work.

Looking at the assumed real intention of this message, people should leave the building if the smoke detector(s) sounds. Absent is the fact that the cause of the alarm activation should be investigated. Is it a false alarm due to burned food or malfunctioning detector? Is it an electrical short in a device that can be simply unplugged? Or a small fire that can be easily extinguished? Evacuation is a safe choice, but it is not always the only or best choice.

One in five smoke detectors fail to work.
At a quick glance, this doesn’t say anything positive about smoke detectors – you apparently can’t rely on them. Perhaps we should install a few extra smoke detectors for redundancy, since there is a 20% failure rate.

The reality is that the “failures” are due to multiple reasons including the age of smoke detectors, improper installation or failed batteries. For information on how smoke detectors work and placement, take a look at this detailed document.

  • Smoke detectors should be replaced every ten years. As they age, they become less reliable.
  • The location of a smoke detector is essential to its function.
  • Replace smoke detector batteries at least annually. More frequent is best to ensure adequate electricity is present to sound the alarm for an extended period.

Smoking is the leading cause of fire death.
Smoking may be the leading contributing factor to fatal fires, and a leading cause to cancer related death, but it is not the cause of fire death. Mind you, smoke inhalation from the fire is a significant cause of death in a fire – smoking a cigarette, cigar, pipe or water is likely going to kill you during the fire.

Business Slogans

Today’s Network for Tomorrow’s Business
Translation – Yesterday’s network for today’s business
A very large financial processing host used this slogan on their terminal logon screens and other communications for several years. There is nothing like promoting your outdated technology for use to operate the critical functions of your business.

Honorable Mention – God Grows It We Mows It
Ignoring the grammatical error, this is a cute slogan that deserves an honorable mention.

We’ll beat their price by XXX or it’s free
I’ve seen lots of businesses with signs and slogans that promise that if they can’t beat a competitor’s price on products, else they would give the product away. You can wager that they are not going to give the product away, that’ll be a total loss. They will beat the competitor price by the advertised amount.

Commercials

Big Box Gorillas
Insurance companies can be fairly intimidating in the first place. One insurance company has a series of commercials where people are shown doing “normal” things, like hanging with family or getting a massage. The left wall of the room starts moving towards them, making the room smaller and smaller, damaging the contents of the room and presumably harming the inhabitants. The wall is part of a big blue box featuring the company name. The big insurance company crushes people’s lives.

Dishonesty in Car Sales
A rapidly growing used car chain has a commercial about dishonest car dealers lying about the down payment. While helping the victim buyer escape, their van isn’t moving because it was booted. A vehicle only gets booted when the owner doesn’t pay large value of parking and camera violation citations.1 For example … New York City – $350, Philadelphia – 3 violations, Austin – 4 violations, San Francisco – 5 violations. I’m not sure I want to do business with someone that doesn’t have the integrity to pay their tickets.

Hamsters Driving Cars
For a period of a few years, an automobile manufacturer advertised their cars by having hamsters drive and ride in the cars. Although hamsters are cute little animals and are often used as pets – they are rodents like mice, voles and rats. Does the manufacturer really want to tell their prospective customers that they consider them low-life pests?

No Regerts
A candy manufacturer is promoting mistakes that occur while people are eating their candy. Including a tattoo artist incorrectly spelling a word on a tattoo and apologizes, “I’m Sorry I was Eating a …”. I guess eating that candy bar makes people stupid and careless. Perhaps it’s from the diabetic shock brought on by all that sugar.

T-12 isn’t anything
A mechanic is working under a car when an insurance mascot joins him under the car and asks questions. The mechanic says “T-12 isn’t anything.” Although your typical star-bit set comes with T4 through T10 and then increments of 5, the rare T12 certainly does exist.

I’m pretty good with comparisons
An insurance company, that often boasts about their ability to help compare rates with competitors, featured a commercial where one spokesperson is claiming to be identical to another one. The spokesperson and their “twin” are different height and hair color, with different facial structure and facial hair – even their body structure and skin tone was different; good thing they were both male. I am not prepared to accept any insurance comparison they provide.

I used to own Dip Quips.com, but I accidentally allowed the domain and hosting to lapse and I lost all of my data. Here I am trying to recreate the information and update it, too.

Footsies   [ + ]

1. For example … New York City – $350, Philadelphia – 3 violations, Austin – 4 violations, San Francisco – 5 violations.

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